I feel like my heart just exploded.

I know that I only posted a matter of hours ago, but I can't not write down what just happened to me, because I still feel like I'm in a little bit of shock.

First, I need to preface this story by identifying three of my own character flaws: 1) I procrastinate. A lot. It's terrible. 2) I expect things to work out despite my procrastination. 3) When things don't work out, I FREAK out.

Today, I was getting ready to take my first Doctrine & Covenants midterm. One of the reasons that I like this class so much is because everything is on Blackboard, so I can take quizzes, exams, attendance, etc., all from the comfort of my own home. Of course, I had procrastinated taking the exam all week, so tonight was the last night it would be available. I thought, "It's okay. I'll just give myself about four hours before the closing time (11:55 PM), so that I won't be rushed at all." Everything was fine. Feeling very confident, I changed into my pajamas, crawled into my comfy bed with my computer, and proceeded to log onto Blackboard to take my exam. After about an hour and fifteen minutes, I was ready to hit the submit button. Although I had waited until the last day, I had followed all of the other directions: I had studied what I needed to study, I took my time and was careful in answering each question, and I was completely honest by not using any of my other outside sources besides my scriptures. It wasn't until after I hit the submit button that I realized the one direction I had failed to heed:

"The most important tip that will help you to successfully complete this exam on Blackboard is to have an excellent connection (high speed) not a dial-up connection, nor a wireless connection. Dial-up connections and wireless connections cause 90% of all problems in taking a Blackboard test. If you need to, go to any on-campus location and use an on-campus computer."

My internet connection had timed out. Suddenly, my exam was gone. Erased. Dead. Unavailable. Nonexistent. I tried hitting the refresh button, the back button, the "try again" button, but I knew it was gone. There was nothing I could do. There was no way for me to enter back into the exam since it had already been recorded on Blackboard that I had done so, therefore, my test was essentially incomplete. The only solution was to e-mail my TA to have him reset the exam. This was an instruction given in the directions of taking the midterm, so one could assume that this was a common problem that could be easily fixed simply by informing the TA. My problem was that it was now 10:30 PM, and the test was closing in an hour. I frantically made my way into the living room and manually hooked my computer up to the internet and e-mailed my TA, explaining my desperate situation. I sent the e-mail, and it started to sink in what the consequences of this would be, should my TA not get the news in time...

...if he can't reset my exam before 11:55 PM, then the exam will close. My score on this midterm will be a zero. A zero on the exam pretty much gives me a straight shot for nearly failing the entire class. A failed class will go on my transcript. Graduate schools generally frown upon failures such as myself, or at least what I was about to become.

I did the only thing I could do-- I started praying. And when I say I started praying, I mean, I really started praying. I prayed my guts out that my TA would somehow not be sleeping, somehow not be hanging out with friends, somehow not be sitting in front of the television, and instead would somehow be near his computer checking his e-mail to know that I was in a very dire circumstance.

I kid you not...less than three minutes later, I logged back into Blackboard. My test had been reset. Somehow within those three minutes that I was filled with the utter despair that I was going to fail this class, Mr. Rory Hekking managed to receive my e-mail, reset my exam, and reply back to me that he had fixed everything. And the cherry on top of this potential disaster: I resubmitted all of my answers...and got a 90%.

It is now 11:47 PM. Eight minutes until closing time. While I'm sure that there are other students who procrastinated just as I had and who are just now e-mailing the TA to fix some sort of problem with their exam, right now, I can hardly comprehend how blessed I am to believe in a God who loves me enough to care about and respond to His careless daughter in her temporal needs. Could I dismiss this event off as a coincidence? Of course. It would make sense for a TA to predict that things like this were going to happen on the last day of the exam, and perhaps he was already by his computer knowing that if someone needed last minute help, he should be available. Could I have avoided this entire dilemma by making sure I had a solid internet connection before I started my exam, or, I don't know...if I had been more responsible and taken the exam two days ago? Of course. I can easily explain the logistics of why this happened. Long story, short: I'm an idiot. But what I cannot explain right now is the peace, assurance, and love that I felt when I realized what had just occurred. It's not something that just came from the knowledge that I had a score for my exam-- it was more than that.

I think I'm pretty undeserving of a lot of the wonderful things in my life. But seriously...somebody must really, really, really love me.

Hello, hello.

I have just welcomed myself to the world of blogging. I'm excited, but there is a part of me that is hesitant. It might be because I think the term "blogging" sounds like a eighteenth century torture method. But that might just be because it's only one letter away from "flogging." And calling myself a "blogger" makes me feel like a creature from Star Trek...but I have no logical cognitive association for that one.

I have a few topics that I've felt like writing about lately, but because of my lack of time, I suppose I will now just egocentrically update my life for those who I assume are interested:

1. I am currently a junior at Brigham Young University. Two weeks ago, I submitted my application to the art education program and should find out (hopefully) within the next week or two if I have been accepted. I'm still not sure if teaching is really my calling in life, but I at least feel like I'm now facing the right direction. In the words of Jackson Pollock, "Color is my day-long obsession, joy and torment," and I love it.

2. I am living with one of my best friends, Maggie Sexton in an apartment complex near Orem. This is our second year living together and I love every minute of it. Unforunately, Maggie is currently suffering from the swine flu. I am doing my best to take care of her from a safe distance.

3. As far as upcoming events, I am getting ready to go on a field study with my church history class in two weeks. This is like an early Christmas present for me, and I'm having a hard time being patient. We will be going to all the major church history sites back east (excluding Liberty Jail) over a period of six days with our professor Richard Bennett, and I have absolutely no reservations when I say that this man knows more about the history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints than any person I have, or may ever meet in my lifetime. I'll be sure to inform everyone of his new book/article that is being published sometime in February about the authenticity of the original Book of Mormon characters and the men with whom Martin Harris conversed (Charles Anthon, etc.) in the beginning years of the church. My class has been sworn to secrecy on the details of his research until publication, but it will BLOW YOUR MIND, I promise.

4. I need to go to Spanish right now.

5. The Jamba Juice I got today was not blended very well and I about choked on a mango when I sucked too hard trying to get it to come up through my straw. The change in atmospheric pressure caused the mango piece to shoot into the back of my throat at an amazing rate. I was sitting alone in the Brimhall building. Meaning I probably would have choked to death. You all need to be thankful for your lives.